How can you best nurture yourself this May?

Forgiveness

(DIY Therapy Chart: An Emotional Healing Guide)

Since the question for this month is about how you can best take care of yourself, the ‘forgiveness’ required here is self-forgiveness.

So many of you have a hard time with this. This is usually due to two interrelated factors: you are too hard on yourself for the most part, and, you assume that it is an emotion, when it is faulty thinking (or actions) that is the culprit. You will stop being so hard on yourself when you change your thinking (or take the appropriate action).

If you feel bad about doing something that others do not want you to do, that does not actually harm anyone, then this is not your burden to carry. Some examples:

  • Your husband (or wife) and you decide not to have children – your parents and in-laws make you feel bad about your choice because they want grandchildren (or they want more grandchildren if you or your spouse’s siblings already have children).
  • You leave your job because you are overburdened by the workload there. You feel guilty about the fact that your co-workers will be left with even more work. Only they are responsible for the employment they choose to take on. You may actually be a source of inspiration to them to either look for other employment, or, take industrial action in order to change their working conditions.
  • Your married with children friend, is upset about the fact that you are moving interstate because she can no longer use you for free babysitting. Maybe you should consider ditching this ‘friend’ if this is all that she wanted you for, anyway…even if you decide not to move…
If you have actually caused some harm to someone else – deliberately or inadvertently – and you are unable to forgive yourself, it’s probably because you have not made amends. The other person has the right not to forgive you even if you seek redemption, but that does not mean that you cannot forgive yourself. If you see clearly that you were to blame, you apologize or do something else that may help the other person heal, you have done enough.
Whatever your circumstances around self-forgiveness may be this month, do the best you can then reward yourself for a job well done.
Helen