“March to the beat of a different drummer” means doing things in your own way regardless of what is socially acceptable. Of course, this definition excludes actions that cause harm but I am sure that there are some who would use this saying to justify all sorts of atrocities. In recent weeks, I have looked back over my life and for the first time ever, understood that I have embodied this saying more than anyone I have ever known.
My life was hard enough with the multiple and severe traumas I endured during my childhood. The effects of these traumas were part of the reason I could not do much of what was considered normal and expected by those around me. However, my purpose in life also meant that I had to live in a way which placed me outside of almost every social norm. This type of existence drew a lot of criticism.
My purpose began to be revealed to me during my teens, specifically one incident at the age of fifteen. One glorious Spring day in my hometown of Melbourne, I felt called to go outside in order to get some Sun. Within a few minutes, I was blinded by such bright light that I could not see in front of me – this had never happened to me before. Then it seemed that I was electrocuted and kind of glued to that particular spot on the lawn. During this experience, the Sun was “speaking” to me, telepathically. I do not recall what was said but what I felt when the Sun returned to its normal brightness was the need to write about my childhood experiences in order to help other people. I walked into the house, grabbed a notepad and pen and tried to start this memoir. I could not focus, so I let it go. It would be another ten years before I was able to write about it, and even then, I did not have access to all of my traumatic experiences in order to tell the full story. Two decades later, I was able to write about the whole shebang.
During the 1990’s – in my twenties – more was revealed about my purpose, especially around the age of twenty-five when I completed the first version of my autobiography. I had several dreams and visions informing me of what lay ahead. I found them difficult to believe so I tried to ignore them but this only intensified them. I was fortunate to have an intuitive healer at the time who was supportive. She informed me that these things would not happen for decades to come. However, it wasn’t just what I was seeing internally that was unusual, since what was occurring in my day-to-day life, was also not normal.
For several years during the ’90’s, I could not find employment. It wasn’t because I was suffering from PTSD, inexperienced, or unqualified. I had to be free to travel to the USA when it was time to do so. From 1994 to 1999, I had to return to that country every year (the only exception was 1995): five trips in as many years. Since I could not get work, and unemployment benefits were not enough to fund one to three month sojourns to America, the money came from my parents. They did not have it to spare either, not until they were forced into an early retirement in the late ’90’s, so it was a portion of their severance packages that funded those trips. I had absolutely no control of any of this, and yet when the time was right, the money and everything else came together as some higher force decreed it to be so.
During those years, the only things that I could do without interference from the Cosmos were, write and study. Trying to form new relationships was pointless. If I happened to be romantically involved with anyone, the relationship ended a month, or two before I had to leave. The men that I have been with thus far in my life, would not accept my traveling for lengthy periods without them. (It was hard enough finding anyone that could tolerate the amount of alone time I needed – and still need – in order to remain creative.)
There are many details that I have left out of the above paragraphs. There were also many experiences in the decades that followed that I will not get into here because it would make this post way too long. I may put it all together someday in another book, or perhaps a short story. Suffice it to say that I am still marching to the beat of a different drum in everything that I do.
Now that we have entered The Age Of Aquarius, doing your own thing will be the new normal. My oh my, how the tables have turned.
Helen
