DIY Therapy for August 2015
Using my DIY Therapy Chart, I will work through the emotional aspect of an issue using a hypothetical example within the framework of the Three-point Therapy Technique (T3)TM (another one of my inventions). You may access your own answers via meditation or using some other form of divination for a problem that you are experiencing at this time. Alternatively, the answers below may be relevant for you right now.
Issue: What is hindering my happiness right now?
Three-point Therapy Technique (T3)TM
POINT 1: Cause: The negative emotion related to some past or recent experience. Answer: Misplaced responsibility (guilt).
POINT 2: Meaning: The lesson or purpose of an experience or the main negative emotion behind the Cause of the issue. Answer: Acceptance.
POINT 3: Release: Techniques to help release the negative emotion and reinforce the positive one (more on this below).
The following excerpts are from the book, “DIY Therapy Chart: An Emotional Healing Guide” (some are modified) – I will synthesize this information at the end to give you a better understanding of this healing technique.
GUILT is about self-blame. It is often what I call misplaced responsibility, which involves taking on the burden of a negative event(s) that is really somebody else’s responsibility. For example, if you are robbed late at night whilst walking along a street in an unsafe neighborhood, you may blame yourself saying “I should have known better. I deserved it.” However, even though you might have been able to make a different choice about going to that place at that time, you are not responsible for the mugging – only the mugger is accountable for this. If you continue with this type of thinking you will feel shame that will lead to unworthiness. As a result you will unconsciously create all sorts of negative life situations believing this is what you deserve. This is a form of self-punishment.
You may feel GUILT in relation to a wrongdoing (e.g. if you are the thief mentioned above). In this case, it is best to make amends (apologize, return or pay for what you have taken etc). You will then experience what is described in the next paragraph.
FORGIVENESS is usually about self-forgiveness. Sometimes it is about forgiving others who have harmed you. This involves your acceptance of people/things (including yourself) as they are and the understanding that certain events happen for a reason. Compassion is often something you are told to feel for others in order to forgive but it is usually more beneficial to feel this for yourself. This will lead to many positive things such as, making it easier to forgive others, to feel at peace and to be happy.
Guilt/misplaced responsibility: This is not an emotion you can release by feeling it, as this will only make you feel worse. It is more a ‘state of being’ requiring you to think or behave differently in order to let it go. If you have transgressed, make amends to that person(s).
Forgiveness/acceptance: Believe that (usually) no-one is to blame. It is better to take responsibility and do something constructive. Stop blaming yourself for the actions of others or get whatever help it is that you need. Try to understand where someone else is coming from. Accept the fact that sometimes there is nothing you can do – this often requires admitting that you cannot forgive (a very unpopular sentiment but the truth shall always set you free).
What is preventing you from feeling happy is guilt. Since the term, ‘misplaced responsibility’ came up in this reading, this is specifically about blaming yourself for the misdeeds of others. Self-forgiveness is the way out of this. You cannot feel this, you must reason your way out of it. Even though I gave an example of this under ’cause’ (the mugger being responsible for the mugging), I will mention a few more here which may be more relatable to you:
- Your partner cheats on you even though you were really good to her and loved her very deeply: you realize she is not (was not ever), the monogamous type.
- Your friend commits suicide. You were the last one he spoke to before he committed the act and believe that you should have picked up on the fact that he was that depressed. After speaking to a counselor, you discover that suicidal people often portray themselves as happy or optimistic just before they die. This is because they see death as the escape they were looking for and so are at peace about it.
- Your husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. You feel guilty about the fact that you did not do more to change his diet or other lifestyle habits, which would have prevented this. Then, you start to remember all the times you went with him to the doctor who warned him repeatedly to lose weight. You recall cooking healthier meals for the entire family and not buying junk food or baking cakes in order to help him slim down. This did not stop him from going to the pantry twenty times a day to snack on whatever he could find so that even if he lost a few kilos, he put them back on asap.
All of these examples demonstrate acceptance – once some thought was given to the reason for your guilt, you realized that you were BLAMELESS.