A few years ago, I decided to share the entire chapter from one of my self-help books about grief. I would like to share it again because I think that it is necessary at the moment. Many things are coming to an end due to the new cosmic cycle that we have recently entered (learn more here & here).
Below you will find the introduction to the chapter – if you want to read the entire thing, please go here.
Part Four: Good Grief (My theory of grief)
Grief is your natural response to a loss.
Loss is any major life change that is perceived as negative (i.e. painful) by you.
Change is a difference in your external or physical circumstances (i.e. home, work, relationships).
You will not be sad about every loss in life – grief is felt when the person or thing that is absent has great meaning for you (i.e. it was a significant part of yourself and/or your life). This is always accompanied by a feeling of devastation even when you know the change will ultimately make your life better (e.g. the end of a relationship where each party no longer feel love for one another – they will grieve for the way things were as well as what might have been if they still loved one another).
The death or disappearance of a loved one is the most common source of grief, however, life is full of changes that result in loss – here are some examples:
⦁ career transition
⦁ loss of abilities (physical, intellectual) due to an accident, illness etc.
⦁ financial losses (bankruptcy, unemployment)
⦁ unfulfilled goals, expectations and life experiences (unmarried, childless etc.)
⦁ involuntary change of self-definition or identity (e.g. if you were an athlete who could no longer compete due to an injury – your identity as an athlete is lost)
My theory of grief is based on self-transformation. That is, grief creates a difference within you – the formation of new beliefs and behaviors as the result of turning a negative change into a positive. This does not mean that you forget who/what is lost or that your pain becomes less poignant – it requires you to make sense of the loss in order to move on with life. To take the aforementioned example of the couple who is separating, it may be important for them to ‘find themselves’ since they were together from a very young age. This kind of self-transformation is the natural outcome of transformational healing.
There are three principles that constitute my theory
– Your response to loss is unique.
– The need to find meaning in your experience of loss (self-transformation occurs here).
– The importance of the holistic approach in understanding and coping with loss.
Helen
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