The only thing I know is this:
I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.
I used to post this quote on my Phoenix Rising facebook page many years ago: it was a reminder to the survivors of sexual abuse (and other forms of abuse), that they are still alive. Even if they aren’t literally ‘standing on their feet’ since they may be too depressed to get out of bed, they are still breathing. I speak from experience when I say that on certain days for those of us who are (or were) traumatized, the acknowledgment of our survival is (or was) the only thing that keeps (or kept) us going.
At some point, I decided to avoid using the word ‘survivor’, since I wanted to reinforce the positive, life affirming aspects of healing. I wrote about it here – below are a few excerpts from that article.
This has bothered me for a long time – the use of the term ‘survivor’ for victims of all types of abuse. It hasn’t bothered me enough to stop using it, but I aim to avoid it. I think it places the focus on survival – just existing, putting one foot in front of the other, functioning like a robot. Of course, this is what is required when you are experiencing the trauma and when you are re-experiencing it during P.T.S.D. (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) but why continue to identify with it outside of these phases in your life?
Some argue that it is a more empowering term than ‘victim’ but…when you were victimized you were in survival mode so, it is two sides of the same coin. Then, you end up having the repetitive experience of the three f’s of survival: fight, flight, freeze. Most people cannot fight or run away when they’re being victimized so they freeze (I associate this with out-of-body-experiences). These behaviors become hard-wired into the mind/body and are repeated whenever you are in the same, or, a similar situation. Human beings already have these built-in survival mechanisms which is amazing as it guarantees self-preservation, in most instances. However, to continue ‘living’ in such a way, is not living at all. Continuing to use the word ‘survivor’ further reinforces this, which then creates that type of existence…
I have heard the term ‘thriver’ being bandied about and, yes, I like it. It conjures up images of doing well in every facet of life – progressing in leaps and bounds. However, I prefer to think of myself as being the creator of my life (alongside the Creator of All Life). I don’t think there’s anything more empowering than that, especially since there was such disempowerment during the victimization. That is, there was no opportunity to make decisions and take actions that allowed for the shaping of a worthwhile and joyful life.
And now, there is plenty of opportunity…
Helen
