In this article, I will do what I usually do by turning an accepted phrase, or philosophy upside down and inside out in order to look at it in a different way, as well as, a more truthful way (that is, I will express opinions that many people do not want to accept or admit). I will aim to demonstrate that true love is not unconditional but oh so very CONDITIONAL…and rightly so.
Conditional Love: The Real Thing.
Loving someone “no matter what” is not love at all – most people do not realize what they are saying when they are saying it. An example: I once knew a woman that was unhappily married. She met another man that she claimed she loved unconditionally – I recall her stating that she would always love him even if she found out that he had raped someone. Having been raped myself, I did not agree with this statement but only recently did I realize that she had not thought it through. This woman had two daughters. If this man had raped one, or both of them, would she still love him unconditionally? I am assuming that she would want to kill him as most (loving) parents do when they find out that their children have been violated in such a manner. (I have met parents that are apologists for the abusers of their children. In my experience, these parents fall into one of two categories: they are abusers themselves, or, psychotic – that is, totally disconnected from reality usually due to repressed abuse, or trauma of some kind.)
Conditional love is not about superficial conditions such as physical attractiveness, wealth, material possessions, education level and so on. Individuals have the right to prefer the company of people who fulfill these external criteria based on what they value in life but they are fooling themselves if they think it’s love. Love does not mean that people abandon others who have lost, or gained too much weight, their hair, their wealth, or their health. These are the actions of selfish and insensitive people who would not for one second, like being treated in the same manner. And yes, I am being judgmental here because judgments (i.e. decisions) are an integral part of life. I make judgments about who I want to associate with based on whatever conditions I deem to be loving – self-loving, first and foremost. Someone who is going to walk away, or mistreat me because of the way I look, or how much money I earn, is not someone that loves me nor is this individual a being that I can love. This kind of conditional love is the realest love – it is also the rarest.
The above excerpts are from my article Unconditional Love: Not The Real Thing.
