With all of the planetary retrogrades over the last few months, some things have resurfaced from my past. (That is the point of these retrogrades: they allow you to revisit the past and to redo things, if necessary.) One of these things, is the way that women like me are treated by certain men. We are blamed for the harmful actions of other women towards these men and/or they project their own bullshit onto us. For example, they will assume we are manipulative, and/or inherently unfaithful because that is how they operate in the world. They can fuck everything in sight, but if we look at some man (or they look at us) with any affection, or for an excessive period of time (according to their calculations), we are whores, a ‘tease‘, and the like. They can do whatever they want, however they want to do it, whenever they want to do it, with whomever they want to do it with, but the same does not apply to us. They will NEVER get the fact that we are NOT like them. (Jealousy is a natural part of relationships but when it is to the extreme, it is not about love for the other, but control of them. I did once deal with the issue of jealousy in the following article.)
I commend myself for leaving these creeps quick smart. The main reason being that I had (and continue to have) too much respect for myself. However, I do see other women staying with these men: it is unfortunate for they, and their children if they have any, deserve so much better.
I once knew a woman who was married to a very controlling/abusive man. He would punish their children if she did not do what he wanted her to do: double the punishment for her which demonstrated his sadistic nature. She did try to save the marriage by suggesting they go to therapy, spend more time together as a couple, or family, etc., but he would have none of it. She was very concerned that her sons would learn that this was the way that men are supposed to treat women. She also held herself partially accountable for the situation because she allowed him to take control. That’s the way she was raised by her parents, so it was ‘normal’ to her. At some point, she stopped perceiving this as ‘normal’ and took the appropriate steps to rectify the situation.
If you are a woman in a similar situation, I suggest you follow her lead.
One day, you may actually meet a grown man who knows how to love a good woman. The thing is, you must first reject the creeps in order to make space for the good ones to arrive in your life. (I speak from experience.) Even if this does not happen, your self-esteem will remain intact if you avoid controlling men. If you have children, you will be giving them the invaluable gift of self-worth, too.
Helen
