In this post, I will share excerpts from my autobiography where I discuss power and the abuse of it. There are non-graphic references to the sexual abuse of children (and sexuality, in general) which some of you may find disturbing, so this is a heads up…
Spirituality: Real Power
My Spirit is the Source of Power that keeps me alive – it is that energy, electricity, or Spark of Creation that energizes my body (for more, read the following article: Biblical Verses About Power). I stay connected to this power source by staying connected to myself. At the most fundamental level this means doing what I love in life (e.g. writing, helping people and so on), doing other life-affirming activities (e.g. spending time in nature, with animals and those who care about me) and listening to my intuition as a way of determining what is right for me.
This integrity has led to the formation of my own beliefs about spirituality that are often antithetical to those of many others. Unlike most spiritual people, I do not buy into the ‘love and light’ philosophy – that is, if I love everyone and bring in the light (usually by meditating, or praying) that all will be healed. This is not true in most instances and it can serve to hinder the therapeutic process by whitewashing the truth especially in relation to the aftereffects of tragic events. I believe that the only way to heal (and be truly connected to spirit) is to get real. This involves delving into the darker aspects of human existence which are brought to light during the healing process. (The problem with pouring too much light onto dark is that it can be blinding which then serves to hide the darkness yet again – this is what I have come across most often in New Age philosophies and practices.)
In relation to abuse, spirituality also involves reclaiming my energy from those people and situations where it had remained stuck due to pain and trauma. If I did not take my power back in healthy ways, I would have remained in pain, or a perpetual victim. There was also the possibility of becoming a victimizer by taking other people’s energy instead of filling up on, or reclaiming my own – this is the cause of abusive behavior in some people.
Spiritual Disconnect: False Power, or Abuse
Those who feel better when they take other peoples’ energy (or who cannot function in this world without doing so) – are abusive. In essence, they are wounding the souls of others by either chipping away at them slowly over time via multiple abusive acts, or by committing a single act that is so damaging it takes a large chunk of energy leaving a gaping wound in the souls of the victims. There are many ways to carry out such abuse: sexual, physical (e.g. beatings, imprisonment), psychological (e.g. deception, manipulation, incessant criticism) and verbal (e.g. degrading name-calling usually on top of scathing and uncalled for criticism). This is always a false form of empowerment because it is not coming from within. It is also temporary which means that this behavior needs to be repeated by abusers in order for them to continue to feel ‘powerful.’ This may be an acquired state of being because of previous victimization which is explained via the “Cycle of Abuse” theory. (For more on this theory, I refer you to my article: Guilt Does Not Change People.) However, this does not apply to many mistreated individuals (like me) who would rather commit suicide than perpetrate the violence that was visited upon them.
This causal theory of abuse is again problematic when it is logically considered because at some point in human history a group of people (or possibly an individual) must have been the first to be abusive. This means that they would not have had any previous experience of victimization which would then make it an inherent (cold-blooded) aspect of their being. (For more on the questionable ‘Cycle of Abuse’ theory, also known as the ‘Abused people abuse people’ theory, I refer you to my article: Excuses for Abuses.)
This inherited characteristic predisposes these people with an inability to empathize with those who suffer. Furthermore, they ‘get off’ on this suffering. Think about it: they will continue to violate another human being even though they can hear and see the pain they are inflicting. These people are not ‘sick’, or simply misguided beings who need some help finding their way back – they are spiritually bankrupt (evil). They protect themselves by planning every facet of the abuse. This includes how they are going to keep it a secret which involves one, or more of the following being visited upon the victims: manipulation, threats, deception, drugging, beating, torture and murder. Such abusers have also learned to shield themselves by hiding in plain sight which they accomplish by fitting in as much as possible. A perfect example of this in my life was Dvo: to the rest of the world he appeared to be a ‘model’ husband, father, worker, friend, etc. He always had a calm and non-threatening presence which would make anyone believe that I was a pathological liar if I ever disclosed the fact that he was raping me throughout my childhood. These people are cloaked in a veneer of ‘niceness’ where real emotions are not shown because they are not felt. They are essentially “pretending to be human” (this phrase was used in a film about a serial rapist and murderer – it is astonishingly accurate). This is how they fool decent individuals who would, in the very first instance, believe they were being genuine. The most innocent and therefore, easiest people to manipulate in this way, are children.
The abuse of children leads to an increased sense of power for victimizers because of two seemingly contradictory truths: the first being that children are less powerful, or easier to control because of their smaller size and innocence; the second is the fact that they are the most powerful beings because they are more closely connected to Spirit, especially in infancy (this is true before kids are thoroughly conditioned to diminish their power, or disconnect from their real selves in order to fit in).
For those who are so deeply powerless, or devoid of Soul, whatever the reasons, children are an easy target. The sexual exploitation of children is far more damaging to them and empowering for the abusers because sex represents the Life Force itself (i.e. Creation).
The Spirituality of Sexuality
The part of the human body that represents the Creation of Life both literally and symbolically is the reproductive/sexual area – this means that sex (and everything related to it) is sacred. Anatomically, it is where life is created and birthed. All human beings come from the sexual parts of both men and women even if not conceived in the conventional way (i.e. via artificial insemination, or in vitro fertilization). However, sex is not experienced only for reproductive purposes because it is also a vital part of experiencing physical joy and pleasure – in one word, ecstasy. Many describe this euphoric feeling as highly Spiritual which takes them closer to God (only when it is not abusive, of course). Metaphorically, the sexual part of the body represents what people are here to Create with their lives. When undertaking such activities this also creates a feeling of ecstasy, or happiness, in the heart, on an emotional level.
Both types of ecstasy, or expressions of passion, not only connect people to their own Life Force (Soul) but also increase the flow of this energy through them as it is a direct conduit to the Creator. In other words, sex, Spirit/Soul (or power) and God are one and the same thing – the True Holy Trinity.
Based on this understanding then, when any aspect of sexuality is violated then all of Creation is defiled. When Spiritually impoverished people want to fill up on the Life Force, rape is the most energizing way to do it. More Source Energy can be siphoned out of the sexual parts of children (or any sexual act involving them) since they are the most highly (Spiritually) powerful beings on Earth at any given point in time.