Victim-blaming and shaming is rife in New Age circles. In this post, I will outline three of the most popular New Age mantras (robotically repeated statements) that do this to victims whilst simultaneously ignoring, or minimizing the actions of perpetrators.
“There are no victims.”
If there are no victims, then there are no victimizers. This assertion negates the possibility that any action could ever be committed by anyone that would result in the victimization of other people. It removes agency from perpetrators and places it on those they have wronged. It is the responsibility of the injured parties to not perceive themselves as people who have been harmed by other people. So, abusive acts are all just a matter of perception, not actual events that occurred in the real world – events that were caused exclusively by perpetrators.
“Victims create abusive situations.”
At the core of this one is the bogus “Law of Attraction” and its trademark concept of “mirroring” – victims ‘attract’ abusive situations because in some way(s), they are like the abusers: “you attract what you are.” This is predicated on the notion that victims ‘make’ victimizers do what they do to them: victims are ultimately responsible for the actions of those who harm them (NOT).
“You HAVE to forgive your abuser.”
This is designed to make it every victim’s responsibility to deny the actions of their perpetrators, or to absolve them. Perpetrators are not held accountable – they do not have to do a thing. Here are a few ways in which victims are shamed if they refuse to forgive: they will not heal; they will not ‘ascend’, or evolve as spiritual beings; they will ‘attract’ low vibrational experiences because not forgiving is ‘low vibrational’; they will become bigger sinners than the perpetrators since not forgiving is a worse ‘sin’ than the sins committed by the perpetrators.
These mantras are but a few examples of the disgusting inversion (reversal) that is the hallmark of New Ageism:
- The sinner is the saint; the saint is the sinner.
- Reality is illusion; illusion is reality.
- Right is wrong; wrong is right.
”Those who grant sympathy to guilt, grant none to innocence.” ~ Ayn Rand
Isaiah 5:20 “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.”
I had new age victim blaming happen to me. I was in my late teens/early 20’s when it happened. I was going to Unity church (the STUPIDEST people go to unity church). I told this lady I knew there about how when I was in middle school I was picked on by some boys, and I was not able to stand up for myself. I was angry with myself (at that point as a young adult) for not standing up for myself. She said “you could have if you had wanted to.” And they picked on you because they saw you were “pick-able.” I said, well yes, but that still didn’t make it right. She said “I don’t know about that.” There was a horrible case of a mom torturing her baby in our area, and all she could say was “He’s paying for something.” I hate the new age movement. The hard core new agers are so gullible and stupid and weird. Who the hell says that babies who are tortured deserve it? They are F-ing kooks and nuts.
I am sorry that all of that happened to you. It is common practice for these so-called spiritual people to blame the victim. People who claim to love everyone and forgive everyone but will hate on victims – even children.
Another one I come across often is “This is a karmic lesson” or “Your soul chose this path of abuse in order to learn a valuable lesson”. It drives me bonkers. I used to believe this and blamed myself. I recently went to a therapist and she recommended me a book, at first it seemed normal but it was filled with New-Age stuff like “You chose your (abusive) parents, you are on a journey with them”, “You should forgive them to move on” and bla bla bla… I got so triggered and it didn’t help me at all, though the overall content of the book seems interesting. Not only is it victim blaming but it’s also brainwashing
I have heard those gems, too. The forgiveness one is the most disturbing because it absolves the abusers of responsibility and places it on their victims.
You are right about the brainwashing because you have to be brainwashed in order to believe this stuff.
PUAs also use new age victim blaming. Claiming that men who have been hurt by toxic women are somehow “responsible” for what the women did to them.
Like you said they even argue against holding the victimizer (in this case bad women) “accountable.” They claim that men who hold toxic women accountable are “simps.”
They really do try to make the bad good and the good bad.
I did not know what a PUA was so I had to look it up… That’s some very bad advice for a Pick Up Artist ‘coach’ to give.
This type of inversion is very common in this day and age.
I am currently going through probably the most difficult time of my life, trying to recover after my mother’s recent suicide, my grandfather’s death, my own health concerns and to understand what is even happening in my very toxic and painful relationship… I am desperately looking for help and guidance, so yesterday I went to a Quantum Healing Hypnosis therapist and spent the whole day with her, talking about my struggles and childhood traumas… She started telling me that I am too much in my mind and ego and victim mode… She asked me why do I feel so traumatised and that it’s all actually just my own interpretation… I told her I am scared of a lot of things and she said that I need to be in love, not in fear, because fear is my ego… When I said that all my relationships were “toxic”, she said that there is no such thing, because all of them are sacred and teach us lessons (I do agree relationships always teach us smth obviously), and that whenever I feel angry or upset with my partner, it’s my own ego again and that I attract people based on my own frequency, so if they hurt me and treat me badly, it means I am in a bad vibration…
When I was with her, I took it all in as the truth and also, I paid a lot of money for this session, so probably I wanted to take everything out of it and fully absorb what she says… but today I woke up feeling even more sad and lost and as if something doesn’t sit right within me and that’s why I started googling for the kind of ideas that you expressed in this article….
To be honest, I’m feeling completely lost and devastated, I don’t even know what to believe in or think anymore…
After spending the whole day of listening to just ” stop being in my fear and choose love”, “forgive my abusive narcissist father and my partners” , “stop looking at others because everything is just a reflection of me” , etc., I feel even more heartbroken and sad than before :(( And it’s even more confusing when she feels so sure of herself and seems to be happy and confident about her life and keeps saying that she has no fears and that life is actually simple and easy because we are all eternal love and God…
First of all, I am sorry to hear about all of the suffering that you have endured, and still endure. Second of all, if her advice were helpful – life affirming – you would be feeling better, even if only marginally better. It takes time to wade through pain, gain wisdom, Etc.
I have extensive experience with abuse issues and I can tell you that you do not attract it, it’s not your vibe: it’s all bullshit. Would you ever accuse a child of being a ‘mirror’ of a pedophile?
For most people, abuse starts in childhood and it is all they know until they start to look at things more deeply later on in life.
I have plenty of material on this site available for free if you want to read things that will help you see things more clearly. I also hope that you will feel better after reading some of it. I debunk many New Age philosophies under “The Real New Age” blog category.
I wish you the best.